four days after back from Houston and San Francisco, still little bit red nose and cheeks after California sunshine, but it is worth as I am a sunny person, endless rain and cloudy weather would cause me depression I guess, just like today, I almost no mood and interest for anything.
Of course my negative emotion also because of his 3 weeks trip to US. One week before I was there, but now it is his turn, and the trip takes that long. I really don't know how to spend next 20 days without him. Sometimes I do not really understand myself, I can be such independent in business, travelling all of world even if just myself, however I am also that dependent, even if one day without his mail, sms, call...it can make me nervous even upset. I am not sure which one is the real me, but I am sure without him, I cannot have a real happiness.
This morning I received a new born baby picture from a customer, it is so so cute boy, when the first sight of that round baby, I have strong feeling that I also want to have a baby like that. When my colleagues saw the photo, one of them feel the boy looks little bit like me especially the expression in the eyes, her words stir my heartstring alot as I dream to have a baby with Hans from quite long time. I can imagine how exciting for both of us when we see our pretty baby at first sight, absolutely it will be the most exciting moment in our lives. I am not sure if my dream can come true, but one thing I am sure that I do need Hans in my life because I feel he is the sunshine to my life.
So now my life sunshine fly to US for three weeks, hope I can spend my cloudy time well.
May 11, 2009
be rich and move to San Francisco
just back from my US trip with my red nose and cheeks after famous California sunshine, feel happy even little exciting after San Francisco. When a city has both mountain and sea, I have to say aboslutely it is a gift by god. You can imagine how great feeling when you live in a house on mountain, while you standing by your window, then the blue ocean just under your feet, guess no one can resist such beautiful and cozy life there.
Guess the California bright sunshine and deep wide ocean make this city more open minded and free life style, you can find all kinds people in SF. Now I agree SF is a heaven for gay, you can easily meet gay in shop, bar, street...They never try to hide their sexual orientation, straight or not is unimportant for them, they don't care what others think about them, they just enjoy their happiness and feeling. I am not lesbian actually, but I find I am really envious of their more or less self-center life as I find I really live too less for myself. The freedom is my impression to SF, I almost can smell it, feel it and see it there in last couple of days, it wakes up something deep in my heart, I hope I can have some SF spirit from now on.
Whole article is only about SF, seems I forgot that big village - Houston, when I memorize there, the impression is: big car, few people, nobody walking and hot weather. Absolutely Houston is not my type, guess I will never go there privately except business trip, but I must go back to San Francisco sooner or later!
Guess the California bright sunshine and deep wide ocean make this city more open minded and free life style, you can find all kinds people in SF. Now I agree SF is a heaven for gay, you can easily meet gay in shop, bar, street...They never try to hide their sexual orientation, straight or not is unimportant for them, they don't care what others think about them, they just enjoy their happiness and feeling. I am not lesbian actually, but I find I am really envious of their more or less self-center life as I find I really live too less for myself. The freedom is my impression to SF, I almost can smell it, feel it and see it there in last couple of days, it wakes up something deep in my heart, I hope I can have some SF spirit from now on.
Whole article is only about SF, seems I forgot that big village - Houston, when I memorize there, the impression is: big car, few people, nobody walking and hot weather. Absolutely Houston is not my type, guess I will never go there privately except business trip, but I must go back to San Francisco sooner or later!
May 04, 2009
my feet are on USA
finally I see my bed in Houston after 20 hours trip, however the room and bed not that attractive, so I do not jump into my bed immediately, instead I sign in MSN and worked for 2 hours and chat with some friends. Large part of them care more about swine flu, however I really have no any feeling of it up to now as almost nobody with mask or talk about it.
Still have no any feeling of Houston and US, all day in the flight or in the car, just see endless highway and buildings, few people really walk or enjoy life outside, absolutely it is not my favorite way of life and city. Tomorrow I will visit exhibition, will see if there is any highlights.
Now I have to go to un-soft bed as my head gets heavy, will change to a better hotel tomorrow, this small ugly hotel is not that matching nice me anyhow$-).
Still have no any feeling of Houston and US, all day in the flight or in the car, just see endless highway and buildings, few people really walk or enjoy life outside, absolutely it is not my favorite way of life and city. Tomorrow I will visit exhibition, will see if there is any highlights.
Now I have to go to un-soft bed as my head gets heavy, will change to a better hotel tomorrow, this small ugly hotel is not that matching nice me anyhow$-).
April 30, 2009
swine flu, US, i am coming!
swine flu, really weird name, but now it spreads everywhere, and it attracts everybody's eyeballs. Actually I think the panic spreads much quicker than the flue itself. Today so many friends asked me to cancel my business trip to US early next month as they do care about me and do not want I take any risk.
Being a person who has experienced Sars, I do understand how panic works and influence to people in Mexico or US right now. I still remember 6 years before, almost same time, the Sars broke out in Beijing. At that time almost all media including news paper, TV, network full of death report and sharply increase infected data everyday. I have to say the mental pressure was much more intensive than virus at that time. After Sars I feel I becomes stronger and rational when face such type disaster. So this time I do not plan to cancel my trip, just go there as my plan as I know I must experience what I should experience. Maybe I really have two personalities deep inside me, I am quite decisive and resolute in business, but extremely frail and shilly-shally in emotion, really should mix them a little bit, because I don't want to be a strong business woman, also don't want to be a poor sentimental little girl.
Seems my words far from to the topic today, so now I draw it back, however I hope the swine flu will never come back and I will have nice first trip in US.
Being a person who has experienced Sars, I do understand how panic works and influence to people in Mexico or US right now. I still remember 6 years before, almost same time, the Sars broke out in Beijing. At that time almost all media including news paper, TV, network full of death report and sharply increase infected data everyday. I have to say the mental pressure was much more intensive than virus at that time. After Sars I feel I becomes stronger and rational when face such type disaster. So this time I do not plan to cancel my trip, just go there as my plan as I know I must experience what I should experience. Maybe I really have two personalities deep inside me, I am quite decisive and resolute in business, but extremely frail and shilly-shally in emotion, really should mix them a little bit, because I don't want to be a strong business woman, also don't want to be a poor sentimental little girl.
Seems my words far from to the topic today, so now I draw it back, however I hope the swine flu will never come back and I will have nice first trip in US.
April 25, 2009
noon nap lazy bear
Saturday evening, what should I do after a nice dinner with family? Actually I want to go out for some drinks, perhaps a cocktail or a glass of wine before I go to bed, but pity all friends not available tonight so I have to kill the time at home. It is also not bad choice, later will check if any friends on MSN or skype, so we can chat a little bit via network instead of face to face.
Really quiet and relaxed day today, after seafood lunch, I went back home and had a noon nap, actually I have quite long time without noon nap, feel good of it especailly when sunlight shone in from the window and warm covered me, really did't want to get up and just lazily lay there. I do enjoy warmth whatever it is from sun or his body, warmth can make me feel safe, cozy and relaxed, guess still my skin hunger works.
In one week I will fly to US, this is first time I go there, and just myself, that's why I am not really excited. But I will try to arrange a nice trip, I am still curious of San Francisco anyhow as almost everybody says it is a nice place to visit.
Really quiet and relaxed day today, after seafood lunch, I went back home and had a noon nap, actually I have quite long time without noon nap, feel good of it especailly when sunlight shone in from the window and warm covered me, really did't want to get up and just lazily lay there. I do enjoy warmth whatever it is from sun or his body, warmth can make me feel safe, cozy and relaxed, guess still my skin hunger works.
In one week I will fly to US, this is first time I go there, and just myself, that's why I am not really excited. But I will try to arrange a nice trip, I am still curious of San Francisco anyhow as almost everybody says it is a nice place to visit.
April 24, 2009
cozy night with love in heart
finally an exhausted working week is over, this week makes me almost no time to breathe, but now I feel much better and can complete relax in my private cozy apartment, only do something I like and talk to the one I love. The wind roar out of the window right now, but in my space, only warmth and sweet with me.
So what I should expect in such quiet, peaceful and lovely evening? Guess only one answer in my deep heart, that is staying with the man I love, and spend a romantic night together. Candle light dinner, mellow red wine, little bit drunk, long French kisses, gently body contact, then exciting love making untill fall in asleep in his arms, absolutely it is a perfect night for an emotional woman like me, also I am sure he will be drunk as well when realize this dream together with me because I know how much my love and I mean to him.
Dream is always beautiful, but reality sometimes cruel, however I believe if my heart with love, I will have such nice dreaming life sonner or later.
So what I should expect in such quiet, peaceful and lovely evening? Guess only one answer in my deep heart, that is staying with the man I love, and spend a romantic night together. Candle light dinner, mellow red wine, little bit drunk, long French kisses, gently body contact, then exciting love making untill fall in asleep in his arms, absolutely it is a perfect night for an emotional woman like me, also I am sure he will be drunk as well when realize this dream together with me because I know how much my love and I mean to him.
Dream is always beautiful, but reality sometimes cruel, however I believe if my heart with love, I will have such nice dreaming life sonner or later.
April 22, 2009
Der Leser
finally I watched the movie -The Reader today. I read this book more than one year before, I was touched then, but also feel it is really heavy story, so I am little fear to watch after I downloaded moive one month before. The movie mainly followed novel, but the actors and actress make the story even more impressive.
Two scenes in the movie really stir up my feeling, one is when Hana moved out her apartment, the boy desperately lay in bed and try to catch up her last warmth and flavor, another is when Mike knew Hana died, then he suddenly broke down. At that moment my tears burst, I clearly feel love is that uncontrollable, it can suddenly come to our lives full of surprise, also can leave without any sign and only mark regret and sadness in deep heart.
Everybody hopes to catch up every drop of love, but only few of us know how to cherish what we have now, when we unconsciously waste the love in hand, perhaps the one crying will be us tomorrow.
Two scenes in the movie really stir up my feeling, one is when Hana moved out her apartment, the boy desperately lay in bed and try to catch up her last warmth and flavor, another is when Mike knew Hana died, then he suddenly broke down. At that moment my tears burst, I clearly feel love is that uncontrollable, it can suddenly come to our lives full of surprise, also can leave without any sign and only mark regret and sadness in deep heart.
Everybody hopes to catch up every drop of love, but only few of us know how to cherish what we have now, when we unconsciously waste the love in hand, perhaps the one crying will be us tomorrow.
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