finally I can take a breath after work, really busy day, I was just like a fire fighter to run at first and rush at front line, then put out the fire until everybody safe and everything back to control. It is always good feeling to make everything back to order, I enjoy the relaxation after heavy work, nice, nice!
the pleasant relation with him keeps going, no conflict and arguement for quite some days, miracle:-)). I try to be understanding, considerate, sweet, gentle even hummerous to him, and he tries to spend more time and concern to me. I know currently both of us have no ability to change the reality, but at least we try to share more happiness instead of frustration. I confess I cannot accept the life without him, but I also cannot keep current relation, hopefully an inspiration will jump into my brain in soonest future.
I always ask myself if I should use more or less brain in a partnership, it is really difficult to answer, because if use less I can enjoy more pure fun, but if I use more then I can avoid some potential pain or hurt, so how I can choose?
Is it true that no pain no fun for love?
April 07, 2009
April 06, 2009
end of long weekend
the evening before working day always makes me in a fidget, maybe I am really a lazy person and just dream to enjoy a cozy life. Some friends said that I waste some talent in business and spend too less attention in it, but for me I think it is part of my nature, and I don't want to change it by force. I do enjoy to have a cup of coffee in warm sunshine, chat with friends without any pressure in a quiet bar, or to walk with the one I love wherever we are. It sounds easy but I think it is most difficult way of life because only when we have enough time, love, health even money, then we can realize it.
It means pure pleasure life is hard to find for today.
Of course when a working week really starts, believe I can quickly get involved in it, life is always like that, only when you free then your brain can think more actively. When too much pressure comes from external, then your brain perhas can be closed and do everything inertial as a routine.
It means pure pleasure life is hard to find for today.
Of course when a working week really starts, believe I can quickly get involved in it, life is always like that, only when you free then your brain can think more actively. When too much pressure comes from external, then your brain perhas can be closed and do everything inertial as a routine.
April 05, 2009
Tomb-sweeping Day
today is a day to commemorate the dead people in our lives. Some people go to tomb to show their grief, yearn, love to their beloved but left family members or friends, but for me I only do it at home, and the one I miss so much on today is my mom who left me more than 20 years ago.
Actually after 20 years, the pain and suffering have got much lighter, however every time when I really memorize my mom, it is still difficult for me to control my emotion and hold back my tears. I still remember how much my mom loved me, and how she worried about me before she died. I was just 12 years old at that time, actually did not complete understand what death mean to me, but with my age increasing, I feel more and more regret that my mom cannot see my growth and every achievement in my life.
I think the life without mom more or less influence my persaonality, on one hand I am independent and almost can handle everything myself, on the other hand I am so much anxious for love and rely on lover like a never grow up little girl. I think these two natures will accompany with me whole my life, no idea if it is too difficult for the man in my life.
On such sentimental day, I still feel life is great even if we cannot avoid death or sadness sometimes. I have my warm family, they are always there waiting for me wherever I am, also I have my reliable friends who stand on my side all the time, the most important part is I have him, his love just like water to a fish, I feel so free and happy in it, also makes me strong enough to face all difficulties in my life.
I believe suffering can make one mature, also it can teach us to cherish what we have now and do not let them easily flow away from our fingers.
Actually after 20 years, the pain and suffering have got much lighter, however every time when I really memorize my mom, it is still difficult for me to control my emotion and hold back my tears. I still remember how much my mom loved me, and how she worried about me before she died. I was just 12 years old at that time, actually did not complete understand what death mean to me, but with my age increasing, I feel more and more regret that my mom cannot see my growth and every achievement in my life.
I think the life without mom more or less influence my persaonality, on one hand I am independent and almost can handle everything myself, on the other hand I am so much anxious for love and rely on lover like a never grow up little girl. I think these two natures will accompany with me whole my life, no idea if it is too difficult for the man in my life.
On such sentimental day, I still feel life is great even if we cannot avoid death or sadness sometimes. I have my warm family, they are always there waiting for me wherever I am, also I have my reliable friends who stand on my side all the time, the most important part is I have him, his love just like water to a fish, I feel so free and happy in it, also makes me strong enough to face all difficulties in my life.
I believe suffering can make one mature, also it can teach us to cherish what we have now and do not let them easily flow away from our fingers.
April 04, 2009
from India to Germany
what relation between India and Germany? Guess not so many people can answer this question even doubt any logic of the question. If before I will also feel this is not a real question, but now they start to relate because of a man I love.
When I decide to choose a businessman as a partner, then I have to accept he would travel all over the world and sometimes even out of touch. Actually I can understand it as I also travelled frequently before, but since this man got into my heart, then I start to be nervous when he is in flight, worried if he is alright when food and climate with big changes, care about if he can sleep well in different bed, of course I also concern about if he still misses me and needs me as everywhere full of attraction and risk nowadays. In fact I know all my worry and concern are unnecessary, he is much more experienced than me whatever in life or business, but when you really love someone, guess no way to stop thinking things like that.
Now he flies from India to Germany again, gets farther and farther to me, I feel little sentimental of it, hopefully his heart does not get farther to me.
When I decide to choose a businessman as a partner, then I have to accept he would travel all over the world and sometimes even out of touch. Actually I can understand it as I also travelled frequently before, but since this man got into my heart, then I start to be nervous when he is in flight, worried if he is alright when food and climate with big changes, care about if he can sleep well in different bed, of course I also concern about if he still misses me and needs me as everywhere full of attraction and risk nowadays. In fact I know all my worry and concern are unnecessary, he is much more experienced than me whatever in life or business, but when you really love someone, guess no way to stop thinking things like that.
Now he flies from India to Germany again, gets farther and farther to me, I feel little sentimental of it, hopefully his heart does not get farther to me.
April 03, 2009
will go to USA
Never really wish to go to US, one becasue it is a country lack of culture, another because US always makes China a mock attacker, so always feel it is not a country worth to go. However suddenly I have an opportunity to go there, then I think perhaps it is good to really be there and judge what US it is with my open eyes.
The visa application actually was not that pleasant, first someone there checked my documents, then found problem and asked me to modify. After that I have to queue again for finger print collection, then I have to take third time queuing for an interview. The interview for me was not big problem, for my memory the woman there just asked total 4 questions incl. how are you, then I passed, however just for these four questions I spent more than two hours there, now I understand why everybody feels difficult to US.
Life is always full of different experience, sometimes I feel I am lucky as I can travel around world, experience different countries, culture, people, feeling, emotion...I will try to write down every drop of the life, it is treasure to me and the one I love.
The visa application actually was not that pleasant, first someone there checked my documents, then found problem and asked me to modify. After that I have to queue again for finger print collection, then I have to take third time queuing for an interview. The interview for me was not big problem, for my memory the woman there just asked total 4 questions incl. how are you, then I passed, however just for these four questions I spent more than two hours there, now I understand why everybody feels difficult to US.
Life is always full of different experience, sometimes I feel I am lucky as I can travel around world, experience different countries, culture, people, feeling, emotion...I will try to write down every drop of the life, it is treasure to me and the one I love.
April 02, 2009
a real happy love idiot
normal working day but for me I do feel happy although nothing really special today. If I have to find some reasons which makes my day, guess should be the midnight call in the early morning. I guess everybody would hate someone disturb their beauty sleep, but I do feel happy even quite exciting because the one called me who is able to light my heart even if in frozen winter.
I do have a really special partnership I have to say, we love each other, and the one I love can almost realize all my dreams to man. However for some reasons we cannot really live together like normal couple. Actually we are the persons almost complete different, different race, different nationalities, different way of life, different background, different generation even, but love is magic sometimes, since we opened heart to each other, then we can never let each other leave there anymore. Now I believe love is chemical reaction as this excellent guy can dig out all potentials deep inside me, sometimes I even feel surprise that love can make me such sweet, gentle, understanding even wild. When I sink into his love, I do feel everywhere, if only with him, is a paradise. I know I sound like a 18 years big girl, but when love comes, guess no one can really resist it.
It seems my April Fool's day wish comes true, I really become a happy love idiot just after a midnight call. But if I can choose, I hope everyday I can melt in his arms, and enjoy his pamper and love every second of my life.
I do have a really special partnership I have to say, we love each other, and the one I love can almost realize all my dreams to man. However for some reasons we cannot really live together like normal couple. Actually we are the persons almost complete different, different race, different nationalities, different way of life, different background, different generation even, but love is magic sometimes, since we opened heart to each other, then we can never let each other leave there anymore. Now I believe love is chemical reaction as this excellent guy can dig out all potentials deep inside me, sometimes I even feel surprise that love can make me such sweet, gentle, understanding even wild. When I sink into his love, I do feel everywhere, if only with him, is a paradise. I know I sound like a 18 years big girl, but when love comes, guess no one can really resist it.
It seems my April Fool's day wish comes true, I really become a happy love idiot just after a midnight call. But if I can choose, I hope everyday I can melt in his arms, and enjoy his pamper and love every second of my life.
April 01, 2009
being a happy fool?
Happy April Fools' Day!
Really special holiday, no idea the history of it, also don't know why people have right to make fun of others on this day. However it seems both the player and the one being played are happy, then I think maybe it is good to be a happy fool sometimes.
Really special holiday, no idea the history of it, also don't know why people have right to make fun of others on this day. However it seems both the player and the one being played are happy, then I think maybe it is good to be a happy fool sometimes.
Do you want to be a worried wisdom or happy fool? Difficult to choose? But for me it is quite easy because I am not wisdom also can't be a fool, so no need to choose. But I feel the question: should I be serious to find every truth in life or be blind once in a while when something unpleasant occurs, which makes more sense for my understanding.
It is always said love can make one blind, also love can make woman idiot, however when a woman in love, normally it is the happiest period in her life. It sounds funny, but I have to agree it is true because I am also a woman, and I even enjoy to be an love idiot when with the man I love.
So what else I can say on today? Only wish everyone has a happy fool day full of love we expect!
It is always said love can make one blind, also love can make woman idiot, however when a woman in love, normally it is the happiest period in her life. It sounds funny, but I have to agree it is true because I am also a woman, and I even enjoy to be an love idiot when with the man I love.
So what else I can say on today? Only wish everyone has a happy fool day full of love we expect!
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