four days after back from Houston and San Francisco, still little bit red nose and cheeks after California sunshine, but it is worth as I am a sunny person, endless rain and cloudy weather would cause me depression I guess, just like today, I almost no mood and interest for anything.
Of course my negative emotion also because of his 3 weeks trip to US. One week before I was there, but now it is his turn, and the trip takes that long. I really don't know how to spend next 20 days without him. Sometimes I do not really understand myself, I can be such independent in business, travelling all of world even if just myself, however I am also that dependent, even if one day without his mail, sms, call...it can make me nervous even upset. I am not sure which one is the real me, but I am sure without him, I cannot have a real happiness.
This morning I received a new born baby picture from a customer, it is so so cute boy, when the first sight of that round baby, I have strong feeling that I also want to have a baby like that. When my colleagues saw the photo, one of them feel the boy looks little bit like me especially the expression in the eyes, her words stir my heartstring alot as I dream to have a baby with Hans from quite long time. I can imagine how exciting for both of us when we see our pretty baby at first sight, absolutely it will be the most exciting moment in our lives. I am not sure if my dream can come true, but one thing I am sure that I do need Hans in my life because I feel he is the sunshine to my life.
So now my life sunshine fly to US for three weeks, hope I can spend my cloudy time well.
May 11, 2009
be rich and move to San Francisco
just back from my US trip with my red nose and cheeks after famous California sunshine, feel happy even little exciting after San Francisco. When a city has both mountain and sea, I have to say aboslutely it is a gift by god. You can imagine how great feeling when you live in a house on mountain, while you standing by your window, then the blue ocean just under your feet, guess no one can resist such beautiful and cozy life there.
Guess the California bright sunshine and deep wide ocean make this city more open minded and free life style, you can find all kinds people in SF. Now I agree SF is a heaven for gay, you can easily meet gay in shop, bar, street...They never try to hide their sexual orientation, straight or not is unimportant for them, they don't care what others think about them, they just enjoy their happiness and feeling. I am not lesbian actually, but I find I am really envious of their more or less self-center life as I find I really live too less for myself. The freedom is my impression to SF, I almost can smell it, feel it and see it there in last couple of days, it wakes up something deep in my heart, I hope I can have some SF spirit from now on.
Whole article is only about SF, seems I forgot that big village - Houston, when I memorize there, the impression is: big car, few people, nobody walking and hot weather. Absolutely Houston is not my type, guess I will never go there privately except business trip, but I must go back to San Francisco sooner or later!
Guess the California bright sunshine and deep wide ocean make this city more open minded and free life style, you can find all kinds people in SF. Now I agree SF is a heaven for gay, you can easily meet gay in shop, bar, street...They never try to hide their sexual orientation, straight or not is unimportant for them, they don't care what others think about them, they just enjoy their happiness and feeling. I am not lesbian actually, but I find I am really envious of their more or less self-center life as I find I really live too less for myself. The freedom is my impression to SF, I almost can smell it, feel it and see it there in last couple of days, it wakes up something deep in my heart, I hope I can have some SF spirit from now on.
Whole article is only about SF, seems I forgot that big village - Houston, when I memorize there, the impression is: big car, few people, nobody walking and hot weather. Absolutely Houston is not my type, guess I will never go there privately except business trip, but I must go back to San Francisco sooner or later!
May 04, 2009
my feet are on USA
finally I see my bed in Houston after 20 hours trip, however the room and bed not that attractive, so I do not jump into my bed immediately, instead I sign in MSN and worked for 2 hours and chat with some friends. Large part of them care more about swine flu, however I really have no any feeling of it up to now as almost nobody with mask or talk about it.
Still have no any feeling of Houston and US, all day in the flight or in the car, just see endless highway and buildings, few people really walk or enjoy life outside, absolutely it is not my favorite way of life and city. Tomorrow I will visit exhibition, will see if there is any highlights.
Now I have to go to un-soft bed as my head gets heavy, will change to a better hotel tomorrow, this small ugly hotel is not that matching nice me anyhow$-).
Still have no any feeling of Houston and US, all day in the flight or in the car, just see endless highway and buildings, few people really walk or enjoy life outside, absolutely it is not my favorite way of life and city. Tomorrow I will visit exhibition, will see if there is any highlights.
Now I have to go to un-soft bed as my head gets heavy, will change to a better hotel tomorrow, this small ugly hotel is not that matching nice me anyhow$-).
April 30, 2009
swine flu, US, i am coming!
swine flu, really weird name, but now it spreads everywhere, and it attracts everybody's eyeballs. Actually I think the panic spreads much quicker than the flue itself. Today so many friends asked me to cancel my business trip to US early next month as they do care about me and do not want I take any risk.
Being a person who has experienced Sars, I do understand how panic works and influence to people in Mexico or US right now. I still remember 6 years before, almost same time, the Sars broke out in Beijing. At that time almost all media including news paper, TV, network full of death report and sharply increase infected data everyday. I have to say the mental pressure was much more intensive than virus at that time. After Sars I feel I becomes stronger and rational when face such type disaster. So this time I do not plan to cancel my trip, just go there as my plan as I know I must experience what I should experience. Maybe I really have two personalities deep inside me, I am quite decisive and resolute in business, but extremely frail and shilly-shally in emotion, really should mix them a little bit, because I don't want to be a strong business woman, also don't want to be a poor sentimental little girl.
Seems my words far from to the topic today, so now I draw it back, however I hope the swine flu will never come back and I will have nice first trip in US.
Being a person who has experienced Sars, I do understand how panic works and influence to people in Mexico or US right now. I still remember 6 years before, almost same time, the Sars broke out in Beijing. At that time almost all media including news paper, TV, network full of death report and sharply increase infected data everyday. I have to say the mental pressure was much more intensive than virus at that time. After Sars I feel I becomes stronger and rational when face such type disaster. So this time I do not plan to cancel my trip, just go there as my plan as I know I must experience what I should experience. Maybe I really have two personalities deep inside me, I am quite decisive and resolute in business, but extremely frail and shilly-shally in emotion, really should mix them a little bit, because I don't want to be a strong business woman, also don't want to be a poor sentimental little girl.
Seems my words far from to the topic today, so now I draw it back, however I hope the swine flu will never come back and I will have nice first trip in US.
April 25, 2009
noon nap lazy bear
Saturday evening, what should I do after a nice dinner with family? Actually I want to go out for some drinks, perhaps a cocktail or a glass of wine before I go to bed, but pity all friends not available tonight so I have to kill the time at home. It is also not bad choice, later will check if any friends on MSN or skype, so we can chat a little bit via network instead of face to face.
Really quiet and relaxed day today, after seafood lunch, I went back home and had a noon nap, actually I have quite long time without noon nap, feel good of it especailly when sunlight shone in from the window and warm covered me, really did't want to get up and just lazily lay there. I do enjoy warmth whatever it is from sun or his body, warmth can make me feel safe, cozy and relaxed, guess still my skin hunger works.
In one week I will fly to US, this is first time I go there, and just myself, that's why I am not really excited. But I will try to arrange a nice trip, I am still curious of San Francisco anyhow as almost everybody says it is a nice place to visit.
Really quiet and relaxed day today, after seafood lunch, I went back home and had a noon nap, actually I have quite long time without noon nap, feel good of it especailly when sunlight shone in from the window and warm covered me, really did't want to get up and just lazily lay there. I do enjoy warmth whatever it is from sun or his body, warmth can make me feel safe, cozy and relaxed, guess still my skin hunger works.
In one week I will fly to US, this is first time I go there, and just myself, that's why I am not really excited. But I will try to arrange a nice trip, I am still curious of San Francisco anyhow as almost everybody says it is a nice place to visit.
April 24, 2009
cozy night with love in heart
finally an exhausted working week is over, this week makes me almost no time to breathe, but now I feel much better and can complete relax in my private cozy apartment, only do something I like and talk to the one I love. The wind roar out of the window right now, but in my space, only warmth and sweet with me.
So what I should expect in such quiet, peaceful and lovely evening? Guess only one answer in my deep heart, that is staying with the man I love, and spend a romantic night together. Candle light dinner, mellow red wine, little bit drunk, long French kisses, gently body contact, then exciting love making untill fall in asleep in his arms, absolutely it is a perfect night for an emotional woman like me, also I am sure he will be drunk as well when realize this dream together with me because I know how much my love and I mean to him.
Dream is always beautiful, but reality sometimes cruel, however I believe if my heart with love, I will have such nice dreaming life sonner or later.
So what I should expect in such quiet, peaceful and lovely evening? Guess only one answer in my deep heart, that is staying with the man I love, and spend a romantic night together. Candle light dinner, mellow red wine, little bit drunk, long French kisses, gently body contact, then exciting love making untill fall in asleep in his arms, absolutely it is a perfect night for an emotional woman like me, also I am sure he will be drunk as well when realize this dream together with me because I know how much my love and I mean to him.
Dream is always beautiful, but reality sometimes cruel, however I believe if my heart with love, I will have such nice dreaming life sonner or later.
April 22, 2009
Der Leser
finally I watched the movie -The Reader today. I read this book more than one year before, I was touched then, but also feel it is really heavy story, so I am little fear to watch after I downloaded moive one month before. The movie mainly followed novel, but the actors and actress make the story even more impressive.
Two scenes in the movie really stir up my feeling, one is when Hana moved out her apartment, the boy desperately lay in bed and try to catch up her last warmth and flavor, another is when Mike knew Hana died, then he suddenly broke down. At that moment my tears burst, I clearly feel love is that uncontrollable, it can suddenly come to our lives full of surprise, also can leave without any sign and only mark regret and sadness in deep heart.
Everybody hopes to catch up every drop of love, but only few of us know how to cherish what we have now, when we unconsciously waste the love in hand, perhaps the one crying will be us tomorrow.
Two scenes in the movie really stir up my feeling, one is when Hana moved out her apartment, the boy desperately lay in bed and try to catch up her last warmth and flavor, another is when Mike knew Hana died, then he suddenly broke down. At that moment my tears burst, I clearly feel love is that uncontrollable, it can suddenly come to our lives full of surprise, also can leave without any sign and only mark regret and sadness in deep heart.
Everybody hopes to catch up every drop of love, but only few of us know how to cherish what we have now, when we unconsciously waste the love in hand, perhaps the one crying will be us tomorrow.
April 19, 2009
friends day
just finished a lunch and coffee with some friends in such cool rainy weather, guess only two things suitable for such weather, one is lie in bed, another is to have a cup of coffee with friends in a cozy cafe, then talking, laughing and enjoy the people outside quickly pass by.
Some friends today have not met even for half year, but when we met, we still feel warm and close. Friend is friend, the relation won't be fade even if with lack of contact. Perhaps we all grow up now, so this time when we were chatting, I do find that everybody has their own headache, some in business some in private life. I have to say for my age, I take much more responsibilities than before, guess same to my friends. Our talking is not like before just tease each other or talk something fun about others, more or less we talked about business and future. Perhaps our dreaming age has really passed, we start to think about something which I have thought only my parents would think about.
Absolutley people is not only an individual in this society, the pure own life does not exist today unless we have infantile autism. If you ask yourself how much you live for yourself and how much for others, guess no body can answer it. Sometimes we feel tired, not because we demand too much, but the external requires us for that. People to this world, just like an ant to a forest, large part of time we are passive and weak in big environment, we do not really understand why we endless work, we keep doing just because all other ants doing like that.
Sometimes I confess little bit more self center can make life easier, but guess no this gene in my personality, so I have to keep up with my current life, and try to make everybody happy. I don't know if it is way I need, but I know it is the way I have to go. Fortunately I have friends who are generous to me too, guess it is part of reward to all my afford.
Some friends today have not met even for half year, but when we met, we still feel warm and close. Friend is friend, the relation won't be fade even if with lack of contact. Perhaps we all grow up now, so this time when we were chatting, I do find that everybody has their own headache, some in business some in private life. I have to say for my age, I take much more responsibilities than before, guess same to my friends. Our talking is not like before just tease each other or talk something fun about others, more or less we talked about business and future. Perhaps our dreaming age has really passed, we start to think about something which I have thought only my parents would think about.
Absolutley people is not only an individual in this society, the pure own life does not exist today unless we have infantile autism. If you ask yourself how much you live for yourself and how much for others, guess no body can answer it. Sometimes we feel tired, not because we demand too much, but the external requires us for that. People to this world, just like an ant to a forest, large part of time we are passive and weak in big environment, we do not really understand why we endless work, we keep doing just because all other ants doing like that.
Sometimes I confess little bit more self center can make life easier, but guess no this gene in my personality, so I have to keep up with my current life, and try to make everybody happy. I don't know if it is way I need, but I know it is the way I have to go. Fortunately I have friends who are generous to me too, guess it is part of reward to all my afford.
April 15, 2009
depressed lonely day
tired day today, don't know it is because of my cold or working pressure or less sleep, whole day my head is heavy and no interest for anything, all I need right now is to jump into my big bed, think nothing and sleep for 12 hours.
Finally I found sometime to plan my US trip today, I shorten my trip from 10 days to a week as business seems warm up recently, also some new potential projects, so I do not want to spend too long time overseas. Also the trip this time is business trip, I don't want to put too much personal plan together. I believe I will have enough opportunities to visit US if only I want, better have pure vacation there, and my next target is Hawaii as I do need more sunshine and beach life after too long time in big city.
But now I will stop my day dream, this lonely woman will prepare for early sleep like an old woman.
Finally I found sometime to plan my US trip today, I shorten my trip from 10 days to a week as business seems warm up recently, also some new potential projects, so I do not want to spend too long time overseas. Also the trip this time is business trip, I don't want to put too much personal plan together. I believe I will have enough opportunities to visit US if only I want, better have pure vacation there, and my next target is Hawaii as I do need more sunshine and beach life after too long time in big city.
But now I will stop my day dream, this lonely woman will prepare for early sleep like an old woman.
April 13, 2009
color, flavor and mood
again a busy working day, my head was almost never up during the working time, also seems I catch cold, the running nose with me for whole day, perhpas that's why I feel little bit exhausted today. No plan for any medicine, guess my resistance is strong enough for such small sickness, wish tomorrow morning when I open my eyes, the energy comes back to me again.
Now everywhere is full of spring flavor, so I bought a rosy bed covers also another yellow one, then I can have some spring color in my little apartment. Sometimes life is pale when I unconsciously sink into routine life, it is difficult to really jump out of spiritless life unless some stimulation externally. Perhaps that's why I like using different perfume every morning, it can influence my mood more or less. No idea if everybody is like me, but it has been proved that different color can take us different feeling, maybe tomorrow I should wear red to cheer up little bit.
But now I only need a some light warm color to calm down myself so I can have a long deep sleep in my big bed later.
Now everywhere is full of spring flavor, so I bought a rosy bed covers also another yellow one, then I can have some spring color in my little apartment. Sometimes life is pale when I unconsciously sink into routine life, it is difficult to really jump out of spiritless life unless some stimulation externally. Perhaps that's why I like using different perfume every morning, it can influence my mood more or less. No idea if everybody is like me, but it has been proved that different color can take us different feeling, maybe tomorrow I should wear red to cheer up little bit.
But now I only need a some light warm color to calm down myself so I can have a long deep sleep in my big bed later.
April 11, 2009
flowery spring
today spent sometime in a park, walking little bit and enjoying the warm spring there. It is really surprised that 2 weeks before when I were there, almost no any green, but after ten days not only trees get green, all peachblossom and cherryblossom complete bloom. It is nice when feel spring really comes as it is a season full of hope.
After study, finally I can handle large part of my new mobile function, it really takes time, but as usual I study it by myself, without any support by user manual, guess it is difference between man and woman, I always feel the complicated manual only confuse me but not help. Of course still some advanced function need to study, but at least now I can use it to call. Now I start to edit music, it is really fun to use different music ring to different persons, it is the work I do like.
so that's for today, and wish everybody happy Easter!
After study, finally I can handle large part of my new mobile function, it really takes time, but as usual I study it by myself, without any support by user manual, guess it is difference between man and woman, I always feel the complicated manual only confuse me but not help. Of course still some advanced function need to study, but at least now I can use it to call. Now I start to edit music, it is really fun to use different music ring to different persons, it is the work I do like.
so that's for today, and wish everybody happy Easter!
April 10, 2009
exhausted Friday
little exhausted day, the busy Friday afternoon made me tired and had to keep patience until all job done. Now I do need loooooooong sleep, think nothing and complete relaxed in my big bed.
Still long way to go of my new mobile study, not so familiar with Nokia menu as seldom use it before, so up to now I still have a messy phone book and a lot of unknown function, but today my brain not really clear, so better stop now in case to ruin my new phone.
The tireness makes me dry and no flash in my brain, which makes my writings lack of animation, so stop now and will try to be back to energetic me again.
Still long way to go of my new mobile study, not so familiar with Nokia menu as seldom use it before, so up to now I still have a messy phone book and a lot of unknown function, but today my brain not really clear, so better stop now in case to ruin my new phone.
The tireness makes me dry and no flash in my brain, which makes my writings lack of animation, so stop now and will try to be back to energetic me again.
April 09, 2009
new mobile for a nice lady
who is that nice lady? I mean myself, hopefully not only I think so.
After work, I went to big mall for electronic staff with a boyfriend. Actually I am never really interested in any technical things, went there just because I wish to have a new mobile to make myself happy. Sounds really poor I am as I have to send present to myself, but it is also good when I still have ability to buy anything I like. Now I am home and start to study my complicated new machine, fortunately my brain still works well, or else I will be crazy of that much function keys.
One of my colleagues always says that I am a person can make myself happy, it sounds easy, but actually only few people can really do so. I don't think my life is always full of luckiness and happiness, but it is true I know how to balance it. Life is like that, you can be sad for a day, you can also smile for a day, large part of time we can master it by ourselves.
So today I use a mobile to make myself happy, tomorrow I will face the life with a big smile.
After work, I went to big mall for electronic staff with a boyfriend. Actually I am never really interested in any technical things, went there just because I wish to have a new mobile to make myself happy. Sounds really poor I am as I have to send present to myself, but it is also good when I still have ability to buy anything I like. Now I am home and start to study my complicated new machine, fortunately my brain still works well, or else I will be crazy of that much function keys.
One of my colleagues always says that I am a person can make myself happy, it sounds easy, but actually only few people can really do so. I don't think my life is always full of luckiness and happiness, but it is true I know how to balance it. Life is like that, you can be sad for a day, you can also smile for a day, large part of time we can master it by ourselves.
So today I use a mobile to make myself happy, tomorrow I will face the life with a big smile.
April 08, 2009
i can cook well although i am business woman
today is really hot, seems summer almost comes. My working just like the weather, really heat me up. The work has not finished yet, but I guess it will never end up as every new day with every new 'surprise'.
After work, I cooked a new type spicy fish with some sudden idea, it is tasty, of course I feel so as I am the only eater for it up to now. Actually I like cooking, but I don't know why almost everybody feels I am a person can't cook. Yesterday I told one of my colleagues how to steam a fish, she was almost shock that I can know it as she thought I am a person never enter kitchen. No idea why they think me in that way, interesting!
Sometimes I really feel strange, I dislike business, but everybody considers me a good business woman, I do expect a real love and stable partnership, but up to now I still don't know when I can really hold it in my hand. Perhaps that's why we always say that life is full of conflict.
Now I have already had a stable business relation, when will a stable love relation come? Do expect!
After work, I cooked a new type spicy fish with some sudden idea, it is tasty, of course I feel so as I am the only eater for it up to now. Actually I like cooking, but I don't know why almost everybody feels I am a person can't cook. Yesterday I told one of my colleagues how to steam a fish, she was almost shock that I can know it as she thought I am a person never enter kitchen. No idea why they think me in that way, interesting!
Sometimes I really feel strange, I dislike business, but everybody considers me a good business woman, I do expect a real love and stable partnership, but up to now I still don't know when I can really hold it in my hand. Perhaps that's why we always say that life is full of conflict.
Now I have already had a stable business relation, when will a stable love relation come? Do expect!
April 07, 2009
a day of a fire fighter
finally I can take a breath after work, really busy day, I was just like a fire fighter to run at first and rush at front line, then put out the fire until everybody safe and everything back to control. It is always good feeling to make everything back to order, I enjoy the relaxation after heavy work, nice, nice!
the pleasant relation with him keeps going, no conflict and arguement for quite some days, miracle:-)). I try to be understanding, considerate, sweet, gentle even hummerous to him, and he tries to spend more time and concern to me. I know currently both of us have no ability to change the reality, but at least we try to share more happiness instead of frustration. I confess I cannot accept the life without him, but I also cannot keep current relation, hopefully an inspiration will jump into my brain in soonest future.
I always ask myself if I should use more or less brain in a partnership, it is really difficult to answer, because if use less I can enjoy more pure fun, but if I use more then I can avoid some potential pain or hurt, so how I can choose?
Is it true that no pain no fun for love?
the pleasant relation with him keeps going, no conflict and arguement for quite some days, miracle:-)). I try to be understanding, considerate, sweet, gentle even hummerous to him, and he tries to spend more time and concern to me. I know currently both of us have no ability to change the reality, but at least we try to share more happiness instead of frustration. I confess I cannot accept the life without him, but I also cannot keep current relation, hopefully an inspiration will jump into my brain in soonest future.
I always ask myself if I should use more or less brain in a partnership, it is really difficult to answer, because if use less I can enjoy more pure fun, but if I use more then I can avoid some potential pain or hurt, so how I can choose?
Is it true that no pain no fun for love?
April 06, 2009
end of long weekend
the evening before working day always makes me in a fidget, maybe I am really a lazy person and just dream to enjoy a cozy life. Some friends said that I waste some talent in business and spend too less attention in it, but for me I think it is part of my nature, and I don't want to change it by force. I do enjoy to have a cup of coffee in warm sunshine, chat with friends without any pressure in a quiet bar, or to walk with the one I love wherever we are. It sounds easy but I think it is most difficult way of life because only when we have enough time, love, health even money, then we can realize it.
It means pure pleasure life is hard to find for today.
Of course when a working week really starts, believe I can quickly get involved in it, life is always like that, only when you free then your brain can think more actively. When too much pressure comes from external, then your brain perhas can be closed and do everything inertial as a routine.
It means pure pleasure life is hard to find for today.
Of course when a working week really starts, believe I can quickly get involved in it, life is always like that, only when you free then your brain can think more actively. When too much pressure comes from external, then your brain perhas can be closed and do everything inertial as a routine.
April 05, 2009
Tomb-sweeping Day
today is a day to commemorate the dead people in our lives. Some people go to tomb to show their grief, yearn, love to their beloved but left family members or friends, but for me I only do it at home, and the one I miss so much on today is my mom who left me more than 20 years ago.
Actually after 20 years, the pain and suffering have got much lighter, however every time when I really memorize my mom, it is still difficult for me to control my emotion and hold back my tears. I still remember how much my mom loved me, and how she worried about me before she died. I was just 12 years old at that time, actually did not complete understand what death mean to me, but with my age increasing, I feel more and more regret that my mom cannot see my growth and every achievement in my life.
I think the life without mom more or less influence my persaonality, on one hand I am independent and almost can handle everything myself, on the other hand I am so much anxious for love and rely on lover like a never grow up little girl. I think these two natures will accompany with me whole my life, no idea if it is too difficult for the man in my life.
On such sentimental day, I still feel life is great even if we cannot avoid death or sadness sometimes. I have my warm family, they are always there waiting for me wherever I am, also I have my reliable friends who stand on my side all the time, the most important part is I have him, his love just like water to a fish, I feel so free and happy in it, also makes me strong enough to face all difficulties in my life.
I believe suffering can make one mature, also it can teach us to cherish what we have now and do not let them easily flow away from our fingers.
Actually after 20 years, the pain and suffering have got much lighter, however every time when I really memorize my mom, it is still difficult for me to control my emotion and hold back my tears. I still remember how much my mom loved me, and how she worried about me before she died. I was just 12 years old at that time, actually did not complete understand what death mean to me, but with my age increasing, I feel more and more regret that my mom cannot see my growth and every achievement in my life.
I think the life without mom more or less influence my persaonality, on one hand I am independent and almost can handle everything myself, on the other hand I am so much anxious for love and rely on lover like a never grow up little girl. I think these two natures will accompany with me whole my life, no idea if it is too difficult for the man in my life.
On such sentimental day, I still feel life is great even if we cannot avoid death or sadness sometimes. I have my warm family, they are always there waiting for me wherever I am, also I have my reliable friends who stand on my side all the time, the most important part is I have him, his love just like water to a fish, I feel so free and happy in it, also makes me strong enough to face all difficulties in my life.
I believe suffering can make one mature, also it can teach us to cherish what we have now and do not let them easily flow away from our fingers.
April 04, 2009
from India to Germany
what relation between India and Germany? Guess not so many people can answer this question even doubt any logic of the question. If before I will also feel this is not a real question, but now they start to relate because of a man I love.
When I decide to choose a businessman as a partner, then I have to accept he would travel all over the world and sometimes even out of touch. Actually I can understand it as I also travelled frequently before, but since this man got into my heart, then I start to be nervous when he is in flight, worried if he is alright when food and climate with big changes, care about if he can sleep well in different bed, of course I also concern about if he still misses me and needs me as everywhere full of attraction and risk nowadays. In fact I know all my worry and concern are unnecessary, he is much more experienced than me whatever in life or business, but when you really love someone, guess no way to stop thinking things like that.
Now he flies from India to Germany again, gets farther and farther to me, I feel little sentimental of it, hopefully his heart does not get farther to me.
When I decide to choose a businessman as a partner, then I have to accept he would travel all over the world and sometimes even out of touch. Actually I can understand it as I also travelled frequently before, but since this man got into my heart, then I start to be nervous when he is in flight, worried if he is alright when food and climate with big changes, care about if he can sleep well in different bed, of course I also concern about if he still misses me and needs me as everywhere full of attraction and risk nowadays. In fact I know all my worry and concern are unnecessary, he is much more experienced than me whatever in life or business, but when you really love someone, guess no way to stop thinking things like that.
Now he flies from India to Germany again, gets farther and farther to me, I feel little sentimental of it, hopefully his heart does not get farther to me.
April 03, 2009
will go to USA
Never really wish to go to US, one becasue it is a country lack of culture, another because US always makes China a mock attacker, so always feel it is not a country worth to go. However suddenly I have an opportunity to go there, then I think perhaps it is good to really be there and judge what US it is with my open eyes.
The visa application actually was not that pleasant, first someone there checked my documents, then found problem and asked me to modify. After that I have to queue again for finger print collection, then I have to take third time queuing for an interview. The interview for me was not big problem, for my memory the woman there just asked total 4 questions incl. how are you, then I passed, however just for these four questions I spent more than two hours there, now I understand why everybody feels difficult to US.
Life is always full of different experience, sometimes I feel I am lucky as I can travel around world, experience different countries, culture, people, feeling, emotion...I will try to write down every drop of the life, it is treasure to me and the one I love.
The visa application actually was not that pleasant, first someone there checked my documents, then found problem and asked me to modify. After that I have to queue again for finger print collection, then I have to take third time queuing for an interview. The interview for me was not big problem, for my memory the woman there just asked total 4 questions incl. how are you, then I passed, however just for these four questions I spent more than two hours there, now I understand why everybody feels difficult to US.
Life is always full of different experience, sometimes I feel I am lucky as I can travel around world, experience different countries, culture, people, feeling, emotion...I will try to write down every drop of the life, it is treasure to me and the one I love.
April 02, 2009
a real happy love idiot
normal working day but for me I do feel happy although nothing really special today. If I have to find some reasons which makes my day, guess should be the midnight call in the early morning. I guess everybody would hate someone disturb their beauty sleep, but I do feel happy even quite exciting because the one called me who is able to light my heart even if in frozen winter.
I do have a really special partnership I have to say, we love each other, and the one I love can almost realize all my dreams to man. However for some reasons we cannot really live together like normal couple. Actually we are the persons almost complete different, different race, different nationalities, different way of life, different background, different generation even, but love is magic sometimes, since we opened heart to each other, then we can never let each other leave there anymore. Now I believe love is chemical reaction as this excellent guy can dig out all potentials deep inside me, sometimes I even feel surprise that love can make me such sweet, gentle, understanding even wild. When I sink into his love, I do feel everywhere, if only with him, is a paradise. I know I sound like a 18 years big girl, but when love comes, guess no one can really resist it.
It seems my April Fool's day wish comes true, I really become a happy love idiot just after a midnight call. But if I can choose, I hope everyday I can melt in his arms, and enjoy his pamper and love every second of my life.
I do have a really special partnership I have to say, we love each other, and the one I love can almost realize all my dreams to man. However for some reasons we cannot really live together like normal couple. Actually we are the persons almost complete different, different race, different nationalities, different way of life, different background, different generation even, but love is magic sometimes, since we opened heart to each other, then we can never let each other leave there anymore. Now I believe love is chemical reaction as this excellent guy can dig out all potentials deep inside me, sometimes I even feel surprise that love can make me such sweet, gentle, understanding even wild. When I sink into his love, I do feel everywhere, if only with him, is a paradise. I know I sound like a 18 years big girl, but when love comes, guess no one can really resist it.
It seems my April Fool's day wish comes true, I really become a happy love idiot just after a midnight call. But if I can choose, I hope everyday I can melt in his arms, and enjoy his pamper and love every second of my life.
April 01, 2009
being a happy fool?
Happy April Fools' Day!
Really special holiday, no idea the history of it, also don't know why people have right to make fun of others on this day. However it seems both the player and the one being played are happy, then I think maybe it is good to be a happy fool sometimes.
Really special holiday, no idea the history of it, also don't know why people have right to make fun of others on this day. However it seems both the player and the one being played are happy, then I think maybe it is good to be a happy fool sometimes.
Do you want to be a worried wisdom or happy fool? Difficult to choose? But for me it is quite easy because I am not wisdom also can't be a fool, so no need to choose. But I feel the question: should I be serious to find every truth in life or be blind once in a while when something unpleasant occurs, which makes more sense for my understanding.
It is always said love can make one blind, also love can make woman idiot, however when a woman in love, normally it is the happiest period in her life. It sounds funny, but I have to agree it is true because I am also a woman, and I even enjoy to be an love idiot when with the man I love.
So what else I can say on today? Only wish everyone has a happy fool day full of love we expect!
It is always said love can make one blind, also love can make woman idiot, however when a woman in love, normally it is the happiest period in her life. It sounds funny, but I have to agree it is true because I am also a woman, and I even enjoy to be an love idiot when with the man I love.
So what else I can say on today? Only wish everyone has a happy fool day full of love we expect!
March 31, 2009
zero degree spring evening
is now spring? I believe so even if now is only 0 degree outside. What does spring mean? Yellowgreen leaves, blooming flowers or the get flowing river? For me I feel it is the first sunlight suddenly warm my heart, and makes all annoyance which froze in cold winter suddenly melt, then it is like a quiet stream wash all dust and take it away from deep heart. It is true heart spring is much more difficult timely coming than regular season changing, however if you are lucky, perhaps your heart spring will never leave.
Has my heart spring come? Good question but difficult to answer. Like every big city girl, my life is also full of attraction, tempter, risk, annoyance even desperation. To insist in an exciting but little hopeless love or jump into a real marriage, more and more city girls have to face it. I am greedy so I wish they would well mix, but I know it is little luxurious for today.
Heard a real story today, a smart and pretty secretary keeps affair with her married boss, not really special story nowadays, however this guy never really respect her and her love, only keep her an sexual partner once in a while. I do feel sorry for the girl as the one she chooses almost a womenizer, no idea how much she would be hurt in future. After that I start to think the one I love. Perhaps the relation I have right now is also not that easy, but at least the man I love who knows what real love means and never be stingy of his love to me. When a man care about you and your feeling both in bed and out of bed, I believe it is a best proof how much the man loves you.
Obviously woman is weird animal, and I am typical woman, so you know how weird I am when get involved in love with man. Up to now I still believe that the love is the first light of my heart spring, also I wish I am the lucky one to keep my heart spring all my life.
Has my heart spring come? Good question but difficult to answer. Like every big city girl, my life is also full of attraction, tempter, risk, annoyance even desperation. To insist in an exciting but little hopeless love or jump into a real marriage, more and more city girls have to face it. I am greedy so I wish they would well mix, but I know it is little luxurious for today.
Heard a real story today, a smart and pretty secretary keeps affair with her married boss, not really special story nowadays, however this guy never really respect her and her love, only keep her an sexual partner once in a while. I do feel sorry for the girl as the one she chooses almost a womenizer, no idea how much she would be hurt in future. After that I start to think the one I love. Perhaps the relation I have right now is also not that easy, but at least the man I love who knows what real love means and never be stingy of his love to me. When a man care about you and your feeling both in bed and out of bed, I believe it is a best proof how much the man loves you.
Obviously woman is weird animal, and I am typical woman, so you know how weird I am when get involved in love with man. Up to now I still believe that the love is the first light of my heart spring, also I wish I am the lucky one to keep my heart spring all my life.
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